Scott on Dalrock.

Scott, like Adam, works by his own name and talks at times about work. I cannot: condition of my employment. To understand Scott’s reaction to Dalrock closing it’s good to start with a self description of him.

I’ve always been a pretty dispassionate observer of natural phenomena, and I don’t get rattled much by true things, no matter how uncomfortable. As a provider, this trait has proven to be a blessing as well as a burden. Because while it allows me to be more or less unfazed by risk and ambiguity, it also tends to run interference with one of the primary traits of a good therapist–namely, empathy. This is not to say that I do not experience empathy–if, by empathy we are talking about feeling the feelings of others in parallel to them. This I do. However, where the wires get crossed is when I conclude that most of what is happening to this person might have been avoided at any point along the timeline or trajectory of their lived life.

I’ve communicated with Scott for years. When I met Kea, I clued her into Scott and his wife and she keeps me up to date with what’s happening, now I’m off social media. Like a lot of people in the USA, I’ve never met him. But he is a man of honour, and a believer.

A lifetime of conditioning about “equality” and years of training in church as well as college and graduate school on “systems of oppression” and all the rest of it was challenged, vis a vis men and women at least, and I didn’t know what to do.

I looked back and assessed my situation. I noticed that I was much more confident and self-assured as a 17 year old when I used my older brothers “chicks like assholes” method of dealing with girls. 20 years later, the deferent “m’lady what is they bidding” approach had been a disaster. Discussions about intersexual dynamics in the context of the Christian worldview were open and honest. Most of the commenters (and the host) are anonymous. No one ever holds back, even when they have a extreme outlier of a position on things. The men there range from young Christian men who cannot figure out why all they ever hear about is what it means to be a “real man” while they try their hardest to meet these bizarre double standards to men who were upstanding, well intentioned husbands and found themselves divorced anyway. Many of them have been accused of domestic violence while trying to keep their kids in their lives through a grueling divorce and custody system that favors women 85:15 in custody battles. Some of them have contemplated suicide after their wives left giving only “I am not happy anymore” as the reason. Others are in marriages that have been sexless and passionless for decades, yet they keep trying the same old ithings they hear in sermons at church about “happy wife, happy life” or some other book they read about “love languages” and their wives continue to look at them with contempt and never give them any sugar at all.

I won’t say “suddenly everything I had wondered about made sense” because it wasn’t like that. It took time. Time to undo everything I had learned about “chivalry” and the maxim that we all live under telling ALL men to defer their safety, their integrity and their honor in order make ALL women at ALL times comfortable and feel good about themselves. (See: the Titanic)

I became a voracious reader of all things old-school psychology. Going way back to remedial psych textbooks that taught the basics of human behavior, motivation, incentives, conditioning. I am still relearning that stuff.

So, some comments — in general.

  • There is very little experimental evidence for a lot of “accepted truth” in psychology, particularly social psychology.
  • A fair number of the quite qualified professional females I have to interact with — locally and at research meetings — are quite unhappy
  • Boys and girls are profoundly different from infancy. Anyone who has observed preschool children can see that.
  • Raising a baby and infant is a high energy, 80 hours a week job. It is best done when a woman is relatively young. Graduate school can wait.
  • The happiest professional women I know are married to men who lead in a field completely different from that in which these women work, and they respect his leadership.
  • No woman loves a doormat.

In short, the modern education system is bad for you. It is much better to not go to university, get a trade, play team sports, lift heavy, walk long, and hold your beloved’s hand.

And this elite? Do not be like them.

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1 year ago

Not sure if this is a double comment. Thanks for reading my post and for these thoughts. I had to think long and hard about how his blogging effected me as a provider.

1 year ago

Thank you for reading my post. I had to think long and hard about the aggregate impact it had on me as a provider.

1 year ago

This is an interesting synopsis of Scott’s experience and evolution.

Thanks for sharing it.