Institutionalized DARVO

For those of you who do not deal with the nastier aspect of life, DARVO stands for DENY, ACCUSE, REVERSE VICTIMHOOD, and take OFFENSE. It is a distortion of reality, afflicted on others, and nasty. Although there are those who weaponize this using the Duluth model, this is very real, and hurts when you have it done to you.

A reason to have a good marriage is so that you and your beloved can take notes and compare. The current accepted behaviour is to talk from 2 m or at least wave when you see someone, because everyone is in lockdown. But a conversation two days ago will suffice.

Kea: “Was that weird or what?”
Weka: “I thought it was just me”
Kea: “No, that was really odd”
Weka: “Yeah it was flaming weird. We hardly talk to them. I was trying to be positive and polite”
Kea: “You were”
Weka: “You were nice. It’s not us”

Which brings me to a correspondence I read today. A woman had been accused of sexual violation, and wanted Stacey McCain to take down his posts based on the court reports. He did so out of a sense of justice, but notes:

One of my rules is, I write for money, so if I’m going to expend the time it takes to write more than 2,500 words in an email, you better doggone believe I’ll publish that correspondence for the edification of my readers.

Let me just briefly amplify the point I was making to this lady: Court proceedings are a matter of public record, and no journalist can be accused of libel or defamation for accurately reporting an arrest or a trial. Print publications like the Binghamton Press cannot “unpublish” a news article, nor do I have any obligation to unpublish a story about an arrest if the suspect is subsequently acquitted. The arrest itself is a matter of public record, whatever the outcome of subsequent prosecution.

Can those who troll this blog take note. If you complain, particularly to authorities, you are breaking one of the rules. I keep this blog anonymous so there is no blowback on my family, my employer(s) or those I interact with professionally. If you demand that things are unpublished, or email me saying I am cruel, or horrify you because I take the Bible as a guideline and rule (for like Stacey, I’m quite aware of my sinful nature) your email will be published and fisked, name included.

I don’t do social media. I’ve got a job to do. This blog is to remind people of the scripture, and that previous generations have lessons we should learn now before we are forced to relearn them in desperation.